The following stats were taken from: http://www.bread.org/hunger/global/
The world is facing a hunger crisis unlike anything it has seen in more than 50 years.
925 million people are hungry.
Every day, almost 16,000 children die from hunger-related causes. That's one child every five seconds.
There were 1.4 billion people in extreme poverty in 2005. The World Bank estimates that the spike in global food prices in 2008, followed by the global economic recession in 2009 and 2010 has pushed between 100-150 million people into poverty.
Picky Eaters
Maybe you can see already from the above stats where we stand on picky eaters. In a world where hunger is a way of life for a large percentage of the world's child population, we just don't see how we can allow our children to be ungrateful for the food they are provided with each day. We don't feel as if food is a right or a privledge, it is a blessing and a GIFT. We are constantly striving to teach our children to look beyond themselves into the world around us. Not all children live like we do, this is not the norm. We, in our little home with our used, older vehicles, and hand-me-down clothes are rich. But we didn't start out as parents doing the right thing about a certain firstborn picky eater. He still continues to be our pickiest, but he has come a LONG way.
Let's take a trip back 7 years ago exactly. Drew had just turned 3, and our honeymoon as parents was about to end. We had 1.5 year old Gavin in the picture now too. Both boys were dream babies. But then the big 0-3 hit little Drew. And our success as parents (so we thought) came crashing down on us. The 2's were pretty much a breeze with him, so we thought we were out of the woods. But what we didn't know was that the 3's are the new and more terrible 2's. We could think of many words to describe that year with Drew: awful, gut-wrenching, pluck-each-hair-out-one-by-one, trying, grim, horrid, and shocking. Sounds fun, eh? Well, we were in for it, and he was not anywhere close to backing down.
But our biggest battle with him was surrounding food. We provided good and nourishing food for him and we just expected that he would see that, appreciate that, and gobble it up. But dinnertime was almost always a disaster. And we laugh at our mistakes now, and realize there is a much better way... but at most dinners when Drew was 3, Jeremy or I would end up trying to pry his clamped jaw open to force him to take a bite! Ha ha, sometimes both of us were trying to hold him down, while poor baby Gavin sat there gaping at the three of us. It didn't work of course, he would scream louder and clamp harder. Not long into the jaw-prying dinner episodes, we decided that he didn't have to eat, but if he wanted to he'd have to eat what we made him and he had to sit through dinner with us. We weren't going to cajole or force him, we were just going to sit and watch him. And enjoy our food. Sometimes he screamed his way through dinner, and he was removed from the table and sometimes put in Gavin's crib until he could act politely. Sometimes he just sat there staring at us or his food. We always reassured him that we loved him, but that this was his choice.
But there was a catch.... if he didn't eat the food we provided him for dinner, we'd heat it up and present it again at breakfast. Twice that year, he went over 24 hours without eating a thing. He always had a plateful in front of him and the opportunity to eat, but he was that stubborn. As with his crying phase as an infant, it was hard, it was grueling. I cried. I was weak. But we stuck with it. We're the parents. We weren't going to let a 3 year old dictator rule us. Our responsibility was to provide him with good and nourishing food to eat. We realized it wasn't working to force him to eat it. He had to choose it. And we weren't going to provide anything else for him to eat. Or make him his favorite foods. Then he'd win. And who wants to lose to a toddler? We know that making his meals like a short order cook would have started a cycle that would be really hard to undo as he got older. Trust me, it's easy to train a 3 year old, even when things get rough, than trying to undo years of parental permissiveness in the future. A very wise friend (the same friend who told me about the baby care book, thanks Chris S.!) told me a few years back....
"Look at your child's behavior and try to imagine what that same behavior will turn into in 10 years."
Ooooh yeah... wow. That opened my eyes to a whole new way of thinking. Am I okay with the way things are going, and am I okay with the way those same behaviors will magnify as the child ages? A powerful 3 year-old not reigned in, will become an impossible 13 year-old, who is the despair of his parents. You just can't expect that behaviors will correct themselves. It takes time, patience, and consistency. Even if that means you go through a wretchedly tough season with them. It's worth it. Hold fast!
So, once we recovered from Drew's 3's which also included daily tantrums for a variety of reasons, waking his baby brother up with his screaming, running out of his room like a lunatic screaming and banging on our door past bedtime, and just being extremetly irrational, we knew we were not done. We had to continue to be consistent. And now 7 years later, we see the fruits of our strenuous labor. If you know Drew, you know that he is extremely curious, intelligent, a lover of learning and facts, bold (that's what Drew means), loyal, a leader, and is sensitive. There are still areas that we are working on with him, but we finally feel like we are definitely on the downhill side of the hill we had to climb with him.
So back to food and picky eaters. Thankfully I had the support and help from Jeremy through these years. He was the main proponent of getting our kids to try new and healthy things at the dinner table. We expect that our kids try and eat the food that is set in front of them. Generally in our home, I cook dinner Monday through Thursday, and Jeremy cooks dinner on the weekends. That's just the way things turned out. Jeremy is a fantastic and creative cook and makes things that I don't. Like stir fry, burgers, stews, grilled meat, and a variety of other foods. I'm more of the comfort food cook, so it all balances out I guess. We both throw in the veggies to complement the food. But one thing we've always been adamant about is that it's never okay to complain about the food you've been provided.
It may sound harsh, but that will earn our kids a free ticket to sit on their bed until they've decided to curb the complaining. Complaining is selfish and shows an ungrateful heart. And once again, in a world where a crust of bread is considered a meal to some - there's just no room for complaining about food in any form in our home.
Do we allow our kids to have dislikes? You bet. I hate mushrooms in any form, and raw onions. Our kids have dislikes too. But it's one thing to say, "Mom, may I please not eat the olives in my spaghetti?" or "I won't eat this food. Nooooooo! Make me a sandwich!" We know the difference, it's in their heart. We aren't overly strict parents nor are we heartless. We want our kids to grow up to be responsible, thankful, and flexible humans. And I feel that being thankful for food and respecting your parents is a great place to start.
Over the years, since we've been consistent with meantimes and the training of our kids, mealtimes have zero battles. The kids know the drill, and really enjoy food. Even Drew, who is sometimes known to still push the food on his plate around with his fork before trying a bite, often exclaims, "Wow, that was really good! I didn't think I was going to like it, but I do!" Sometimes he still takes eons to eat if it's something he's not fond of. But he doesn't complain, and he eats. What more could we ask for?
Our kids defnitely have opinions, and some of them have very strong opinions. Our home is a safe place for them to share their thoughts. But there is a fine line between being opinionated, and just plan rude and ungrateful. We are consistenly working with our kids to help them find the proper time, place, and way to express their opinions. One thing we teach them to help them remember what things are a good idea to say outloud or not:
The things you say should be all three of these things: (this is a great lesson for adults too)
1. kind
2. necessary
3. true
If it doesn't match all three criteria, it's probably better left unsaid. A child might think it's necessary and true that they say that they hate the food in front of them, but it sure isn't kind. And we know how deflating and frustrating it is to hear a child complain about the meal you've just worked hard to prepare. But really, it has taken years to get to the point we are at dinnertime. Years, I'm tellin' you. But it's been worth all of the blood, sweat, and tears we've put into it. It's so worth it. You can do it! Be the parent. If you have your child's best interest at heart, you know better from your experience on this earth than your child does. The book of Proverbs in the Bible says that "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child.." And it's true.
Here's a verse that says it all:
Philippians 2:14-16 (New International Version)
14 Do everything without grumbling or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”[a] Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky 16 as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain.
We make decisions all day long as parents. It's inevitable. But life becomes so much easier if some things are just set in stone, leaving no room for a child to beg, scream, intimidate, and guilt you into doing what they want. It's just not healthy for anyone.
Mealtime can become a pleasant experience for everyone, but it doesn't always happen by osmosis. It takes work, work we were willing to put in. And we still have two girls who are 2 and under... who knows what battles will still ensue with them? But whatever our girls bring to the table, we are armed and ready. Bring it on, picky pants!
